so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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