I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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