It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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