so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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