I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
