I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
