So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
