are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
