shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
