It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
