Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
