did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
