3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
