the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
