if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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