it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
