why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
