my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
