xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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