Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
zippers are such a cool invention
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
