i don't like sucking hair
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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