I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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