I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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