I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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