Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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