omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have demons in me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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