I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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