Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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