dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
