OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
