Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
