Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
