In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
