I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
