i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
zippers are such a cool invention
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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