she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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