I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
