Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
