i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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