Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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