Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
