so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
