All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
