Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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