i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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