If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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