I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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