He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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