There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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