the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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