Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
