Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
