we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
