Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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