Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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