She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
