The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
