My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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