and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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