They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
