peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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