remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
