Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
