I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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