Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
