How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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