my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
