We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
