You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
